even the steps
with which I´m just looking back
don´t go nowhere else
as into the paradise
Jarmila Bednarova - all rights reserved

"Fairy tales are more tham true, not because they tell us that dragons exist but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
G.K. Chesterton

It was beautiful here,
it was before,
you can´t just stop
the running of time. ..




today it´s more beautiful...

Amicum amamus nam ab amicum amamur...
(we love our friend because we are loved by our friend)

The Dream about dust ( I´m translating ti now, so I´m sorry because of this bedlam :)

Just cover in silent ,with smelling dusty darkness. The only thing you had had to do was to hold your hand in the air and uncountable pieces of dusty of humanity would fall down on your palm. There´s a huge quantity of it. There was an old gray cat transporting her only child , she was walking under my legs so I was unable to walks. She also disappeared in the darkness. I stayed alone, dark red menčester sa mi lepil na spotený chrbát,few times I stoped to breath and a šnúrky plátených topánok sa už dávno rozviazali a splietli dokopy. Vyšúchané okraje bielych nohavíc jemne rozhŕňali dreams plaziace by the floor. There was nowhere to -----and this silence... nenápadne zakrývalo všetky jazvy mojej duše a v čerstvých ranách neznesiteľne štípalo. It was a tunel but nothing was shining on the end. In this dusty tieni where I wasn't able to see even my arm ( holding hrsť prachu) suddenly there was a cry , zablislo sa white light and I felt I'm falling down back to the Earth. And I was back. The streets with houses and bank next to the hospital opposite the school. But there was nothing of it . I´ve started to miss this smell of dark silence. With fear I ´ve run away by the way which finished over the big house. the walls were painted on white colour. I stop over the garden gate, defering, the fear doesn´t let me to turn around. I can´t still waiting so I turn round and I can´t still waiting so I turn round and takmer zrážam na zem tall man wearing dark suit. He grab my hand and take me on the na verandu. "What are you doing here?" he cries, strhne si z hlavy klobúk a na čelo mu skĺzne kučera tmavých vlasov. It´s not a man , not completly, not yet . He still holding my arm pevne . Pozriem mu na topánky a takmer nemôžem dýchať. I can´t say why, but som si istá že aj vám by nahnali strach, moje vnútro zaplaví the horror that I can't explain. Are black shoes realy the reason for us , to be scared? Sú celkom nové, akoby si ich obul len teraz, tu , uprostred prachu storočí. Ani najmenšia smietka sa neopováži vstúpiť do tej čiernej temnoty( tak podobnej tme z ktorej som ušla- znovu mi bolestne pripomenul ako mi chýba). He didn´t move and predsa sa zdalo že vŕzgajú. Poza jeho chrbát prebehla the same cat with her child in her mounthv papuli and after her tail she was akoby ťahala závoj tmy. My eyes started to slziť because of dusty , which was darkness, because of darkness which was dark dusty. Jeho pach štípe v nose no kdesi v jeho pozadí cítim dôverne známu vôňu môjho prenasledovateľa. Without thinking I was flying in the same space as before when ... srdce mi zovrela akási ruka, čosi nadprirodzené, ba až neľudské a predomnou ako malý, nie človek lež nepoznaná bytosť zastal. Zľakla som sa a neviditeľná čierňava sa mi rozostúpila pod nohami. Padla som na poľnú cestu, len niekoľko krokov od chlapca. Podišiel ku mne a zohol sa. Chitil ma za zápästie no teraz už nie tak silno, možno si uvedomoval všetko na čo som myslela. Odovzdane vstávam a kráčam za ním po záhradnom chodníku z šedých kameňov. Dýchali the smell of human bodies, they were feeded of fantasies and ideas of man who was sitting on the tree for ages. Nohami som rozhŕňala popadané listy a black and red bugs were jumping chrobáky odskakovali z cesty. Opäť sme stáli na verande, stiahol ma za plece na lavičku. He asked me again with : "What are you doing here?" as if we both wanted to understand the meaning ...of what? Pošúchala som si boľavé zápästie a nechápajúc ani slovo z toho čo povedal som sa zahľadela do jeho očí. Boli čierne, tak ako topánky no akosi inak. Keď sa ma dotkol jeho pohľad necítila som strach tak ako vtedy keď mi na dlaň padali celé tony ĺudského prachu. They looked like the darkness between the stars, something material but no nedosiahnuteľné aj keby ste prekonali vzdialenosť. boli príliš ďaleko a príliš krásne. "What are you doing here?" he repeted another time and vytrhol ma zo zamyslenia. Vstala som no znovu ma posadil. " still sitting quietly for a while or you will damage your health." Pri tom prudkom pohybe som zacítila sviežu vôňu. Bol čerstvo oholený a na bezchybnej tvári nemal žiadny výraz, mihalnice ako dva rady svedkov tam mĺkvo už celé roky strážili hlboké brány jeho duše. I didn´t know if he´s sympatic. "That cat..." I said finally and napokon a naklonila som sa to see better the place where she was standing- she wasn´t there . Obzrel sa aj on a so strachom na mňa pozrel. He has had beautifull hair, dark, in coleur of eben wood, the trees in the garden behind him completly covered the house in their tieni. Túžba vstať silnela no krátkym pohybom ruky ma zastavil. Znovu tá nádherná vôňa zaplavila vzduch okolo nás, tak odlišná od sladkastého pachu akoby čohosi hnijúceho, ktorý sladkým ružovým parfémom prekrývala my teacher of french. a predsa mali niečo spoločné, oboch som sa bála. vstala som a svet okolo sa začal neuveriteľnou rýchlosťou otáčať. He caught me and looked at me from the hight. "What are you doing here?" - "I don´t know, I´m just dreaming. What are you doing in my dream?" I said in silent voice . " I´m the dream."- " No , you are too nice to be the lie , shams don´t use to be nice."-" but nobody said that dreams aren´t real, well, they must be , must ...or I wouldn´t wake up anymore." Then he let me and the last what I felt was his palm. I was falling down in darkness and the dusty of all humanity was drying my mounth, covering my eyelashes, upraising my eye lids as if the weight of all world rested in it . I jerked, and some seconds before I woke up, I was sitting on my bed. " What are you doing here..." I heard his last words in my mind. " I don´t know, I´m just dreaming. What are you doing in my dream?"
by jajinka all rights reserved